The better way?

Wow, fresh off a blog sabbatical, here I am with two posts in one week. Someone give this mama a medal!

All kidding aside, I was inspired to write this post after this morning's brunch date with a few members of my #momsquad. Briefly diverging from our regular topics of teething, feeding and holy fuck will we ever not feel tired again, we got to chatting about accessibility-- or lack thereof-- in our fair city.

I've only taken the subway with Ethan a few times, and to be blunt, it sucked. I live basically equidistant between two stops-- neither of which have elevators or ramps. To get to an accessible station, I either have to walk one kilometre west or two kilometres east, and I of course have to plan a route that gets me to a stroller-friendly stop on the other end. Even in the accessible stations, to get from the street to the train (and vice versa), I usually have to take at least two different elevators, which are often poorly marked and always seem to be on the verge of collapsing. Also, I am no germaphobe but there's something quite unsettling about wheeling my infant into a dark, rickety contraption that looks like it hasn't been cleaned since people traveled by horse and buggy. A lot of "Ethan, don't touch ANYTHING" happens on these trips.

But, let's get back to the barriers. Today, in 2018, in one of the most progressive, most diverse cities in North America (if not the world), there are 28 subway stations that do not have elevators, with full accessibility not expected until 2025 at the earliest. Readers (all 4 of you): This is shameful. For all the whining and moaning politicians and laypeople alike do about the TTC, this seems to be fairly low down on the list of complaints. Yes, crowds are awful, fare collectors are rude, delays are unfortunate and I don't really understand the point of Presto, but the fact that there are still barriers that prevent a significant percentage of the population from even using public transit at all is problematic on a whole other level. Yet, no one seems to want to make this an issue because who cares about accessiblity when signal problems on Line 2 made you late for work again.

I can hear my mom's voice in my head, so I'd like to check my privilege for a minute and acknowledge that for me personally, I have a few luxuries in my life that prevent this issue from impeding my day-to-day. First, I live in an affluent neighbourhood where most of my needs and wants can be satisfied within a 15 minute walk. Between my apartment and my closest accessible subway station, there is a No Frills, a Shoppers Drug Mart, an LCBO, several small grocers and fruit markets, all major banks and a multitude of restaurants and coffee shops. I can eat, buy diapers, get my hair cut and even see a movie without even having to think about boarding a train. Also, we are a two-car household and I can afford the many expenses that accompany car ownership, so when I need to go somewhere I can't walk to, such as the doctor, I am never dependent on public transit to get there.

More importantly, however, is the fact that for me, the restrictions presented by the TTC's lack of accessibility are not insurmountable. I do not actually have to take Ethan out in the stroller-- I have a carrier that I can wear him in, making it possible for me to get on any subway train or bus without worrying about elevators. I can-- theoretically-- ask another rider to help me with the stroller because I do not have language barriers that prevent me from doing so and I do not have to worry about someone being afraid to help me because of my accent or the colour of my skin. What I'm trying to say is that I have options, and those options are luxuries not afforded to all mothers.

Finally, my need for barrier-free access is temporary. In the not-so-distant future, Ethan will be able to walk on his own and we won't need a stroller to get places, which means I'll be able to board the subway two minutes from my apartment again. For people who depend on wheelchairs or who have other permanent mobility challenges, this isn't the case and they are forced to constantly plan accessible routes within a fundamentally restrictive transit network and a political ecosystem that doesn't recognize accessibility as a crucial, urgent priority.

Ethan in transit

But, part of the reason I wanted to write this was to recognize that until Ethan came along, I too was pretty ignorant about how incredibly difficult just getting from point A to point B can be if you don't have the means, the resources or the abilities that most of us take for granted. Motherhood has given me the tiniest glimpse-- through an undeniably privileged lens-- into what so many people have to deal with all day, every day, and I think beyond just criticizing the TTC, we all (myself included) have to be more aware about how we can make lives a bit easier for those who need a little extra help. I've compiled a list below and I welcome any suggestions!

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Creating a barrier-free Toronto (or, Good Karma 101)

1. Hold the door for people who are in wheelchairs, using canes, pushing strollers or for anyone who looks like they just might need a hand.
2. Always offer to help parents with strollers up and down stairs. Don't wait for us to ask-- we might not say yes but we appreciate the offer!
3. Move out of the way for people who need a little extra space. Believe me, I don't take up half the sidewalk or subway platform just to be annoying, but it's important for me to have the space away from cars and trains to push my baby safely.
4. If you can, be flexible about your seat in a restaurant or on transit. If you're settled down in a spot that would be a good option for someone with mobility challenges, please give it up just this once. I can't express how frustrating it is to be crammed into a tiny booth where I can't fit my stroller when others are seated at round tables surrounded by tons of open space.
5. This should be obvious, but please don't park in handicapped spots or designated areas for pregnant women or families with small children. There's a special place in hell for people who do that!

Food for thought

Well, this blog has been on a bit of a hiatus. I would love to say I have some really cool reason for this, but in reality, once Ethan goes to bed I usually lose myself in a vortex of watching basketball, surfing Instagram and reading 20 pages of a book just to say I did. I just yawned reading that back to myself, but yeah-- mama's boring (and tired).

So here's a quick update on the last 2 and a half months: Ethan rolls around everywhere, laughs all the time, loves his Ergobaby, has been on vacation and even cut two teeth. And...*drumroll please* he eats actual, solid, big people food!

I was dreading starting solids to the point where I'm pretty sure I was annoying Dave even more than usual with all my musings on what to start with, and when, and what high chair to get, and did we get the right high chair, and oh our high chair was broken when it shipped so we have to get a different one, and am I bad mother because I bought some of those baby food pouches? I could continue, but in short, it was stressful.

A lot of moms get really excited about starting solids, but let me list a few reasons why I am not one of them. First of all, I don't cook a ton (read: hardly ever). No, I do not eat cheeseburgers every day (and thus you do not have permission to hate me for being thin), but we do enjoy a reasonable amount of takeout and a lot of nights I just heat up a bowl of soup so as not to waste valuable Instagram time. We have a small kitchen with no dishwasher and I honestly just find cooking so tiring-- you know, on top of looking after an active baby all day, doing the things that don't even leave me with enough gusto to regularly satisfy this blog's vast readership (ha ha).  However, I would at least like to make an attempt to feed my child homemade(ish) meals and not let him think that Swiss Chalet is one of the major food groups, and therefore I have had to shift my mindset (and my priorities). Life changes are a handful!

Eggy Ethan

Here's another thing. I am legitimately the world's pickiest eater, so giving Ethan a variety of foods does not come naturally to me. I could name all the foods I don't like but that would take all day, so here's a summary: Eggs, pork, most seafood (except shrimp and expensive scallops), dark meat of any kind, most root vegetables, brie, avocado, and so on and so on. I am also a little weird about how meals are made and the circumstances in which I eat them-- I am absolutely that asshole that asks a lot of questions in restaurants, as well as that even bigger asshole who holds up the Tim Horton's line by making sure they don't cut my sandwich with a dirty knife. Irritated yet? I also will never give you a bite of anything because I don't like other people's saliva on my food. Ick.

But alas, I'm not exactly setting out to raise a neurotic child, which means my weird preferences will take a backseat to his needs and his appetite and I'll have to accept that mealtimes will just be kind of gross for the foreseeable future. So, for past month or so I have been giving Ethan different types of food, pretending I think it's all delicious. Yes, I do feed him those bad mom pouches sometimes, but I also attended a workshop, I check labels to make sure there is no added salt or sugar and I went shopping specifically for organic produce. I even made my own hummus, which basically means I'm Martha Stewart and probably grants me a lifetime exemption from all future shaming from the Momiverse (ha ha again). 

And, guess what? So far, Ethan loves everything. I'm not saying he's perfect (except that he is), but the fact that a kid that grew in my body eats whatever I put in front of him-- with unparalleled enthusiasm--is nothing short of a miracle. I won't lie-- avocado stains are no picnic and picking pieces of egg out of his neck folds is revolting, but I'm playing a long game here and I am super proud that my little guy has an amazing attitude towards food. Who knows, maybe it will even encourage me to add a few more meals to my own rotation and expand my horizons. Or maybe Ethan will love food and cooking so much that he'll make my meals too? Here's hoping!